Red Flags Guide
Learn to spot warning signs early and protect yourself from toxic relationships, manipulation, and scams.
Test Your Red Flag Radar
Can you tell the difference between quirky, concerning, and dangerous? Take this quick quiz.
On your third date, they've already created a Spotify playlist called 'Our Wedding Songs' and talk excitedly about the children you'll have together.
Choose the response that shows the best judgement:
The Complete Red Flags Guide
Understanding these patterns can protect you from serious harm.
Narcissist Detection Guide
High RiskLearn to recognise narcissistic personality patterns early
Warning Signs
Love Bombing
Overwhelming you with affection, gifts, and attention very early in the relationship
Everything's About Them
Conversations always circle back to them; your experiences are minimised
Grandiose Self-Image
Constant talk of their achievements, importance, or special qualities
Lack of Empathy
Dismissive of your feelings or unable to understand your perspective
Gaslighting Begins
Making you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions
How to Protect Yourself
- Trust your gut – if something feels off, it probably is
- Keep your support system close and listen to their concerns
- Document concerning behaviour (screenshots, notes)
- Set and maintain firm boundaries
- Don't try to fix or save them – it's not your job
- Have an exit strategy if things escalate
Romance Scam Prevention
High RiskProtect yourself from online dating scams
Warning Signs
Profile Red Flags
Photos look too perfect, generic profile, grammar/spelling mismatches with claimed background
Communication Patterns
Quickly moves to private messaging, professes love fast, won't video chat, asks personal/financial questions
The Story Setup
Works overseas (oil rigs, military), recent tragedy, financial crisis coming
The Money Ask
Medical bills, visa costs, business opportunity, temporary loans
How to Protect Yourself
- Never send money to someone you haven't met in person
- Insist on video chat early in the conversation
- Reverse image search their photos
- Guard your personal and financial information
- Meet in public and tell someone where you're going
- Trust your instincts – if it seems too good to be true, it probably is
Manipulation Tactics
High RiskRecognise common manipulation patterns
Warning Signs
Emotional Manipulation
Guilt trips, silent treatment, emotional outbursts, playing the victim
Isolation Tactics
Jealous of friends/family, creates conflict with your loved ones, demands all your time
Hot and Cold
Intensely affectionate then suddenly distant, keeping you guessing and off-balance
Moving Goalposts
Rules keep changing, standards shift, you can never quite meet their expectations
Future Faking
Grand promises about the future — holidays, moving in, marriage — with no follow-through. Designed to keep you invested and hopeful while nothing actually changes.
How to Protect Yourself
- Maintain connections with friends and family
- Trust your perception of events
- Healthy relationships don't require you to constantly question yourself
- Set boundaries and observe how they respond
- Watch for actions matching words — genuine partners make concrete plans, not just promises
Safety Red Flags
CriticalCritical warning signs for your physical safety
Warning Signs
Aggressive Behaviour
Road rage, hostile to others, punches walls, cruel to animals or service workers
Boundary Violations
Won't accept 'no', shows up uninvited, goes through your phone, pressures for intimacy
Controlling Behaviour
Tells you what to wear, monitors your location, controls who you see, financial control
Threats
Threatens self-harm if you leave, threatens you or others, threatens to share intimate content
Personality Changes with Substances
Becoming aggressive, controlling, or volatile when drinking or using drugs, then blaming the substance. Alcohol and drugs do not cause abusive behaviour — they are never an excuse for it.
How to Protect Yourself
- Trust your instincts – fear exists for a reason
- Tell trusted friends or family about concerning behaviour
- Document threats and incidents
- Have an exit strategy ready
- Know where to get help (police, domestic violence services)
- Never meet somewhere private if you feel unsafe
- Many people drink without becoming abusive — the substance is not the cause, the person's behaviour is the problem
Digital & Technology-Based Abuse
High RiskRecognise when technology is being used to monitor, control, or intimidate you
Warning Signs
Monitoring Your Devices
Checking your phone, reading your messages, or demanding your passwords. May install tracking or spyware apps without your knowledge.
Location Tracking
Using GPS, shared apps, or hidden trackers to monitor your whereabouts. Often framed as 'keeping you safe' or 'just wanting to know you're okay.'
Social Media Control
Dictating who you can follow, like, or message online. Monitoring your activity, demanding you remove contacts, or creating conflict about your interactions.
Image-Based Abuse
Threatening to share intimate images, pressuring you to send explicit content, or sharing private images without your consent. This is a criminal offence in Australia and the UK.
Constant Contact Demands
Expecting immediate responses to every message. Becoming angry, sulking, or punishing you for not replying quickly enough.
How to Protect Yourself
- Use strong, unique passwords for each account — never share them, even in a trusting relationship
- Check your phone for unfamiliar apps, especially those with location or monitoring permissions
- You are entitled to digital privacy — a healthy partner respects that
- If you suspect monitoring, seek advice before removing anything — an abuser may escalate if they lose access
- Report image-based abuse to the eSafety Commissioner (esafety.gov.au) in Australia
- Contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for specialist support
Undermining Your Confidence
High RiskRecognise patterns designed to erode your self-esteem, independence, and ambitions
Warning Signs
Put-Downs Disguised as Jokes
Frequent 'jokes' targeting your intelligence, appearance, or competence. When you object, you're told you're 'too sensitive' or 'can't take a joke.'
Jealousy of Your Success
Reacting negatively to your achievements, creating crises before important events, or subtly discouraging your career and ambitions.
Triangulation
Comparing you unfavourably to others — especially exes. 'My ex never had a problem with this.' Designed to create insecurity and make you compete for their approval.
Professional Sabotage
Engineering arguments before job interviews, creating 'emergencies' during important work events, discouraging education, or making you financially dependent on them.
How to Protect Yourself
- Healthy banter leaves both people feeling good — if 'jokes' consistently target your insecurities, that's not humour
- A supportive partner celebrates your success, not competes with it
- Maintain your own friendships, career, and financial independence
- If you find yourself shrinking to avoid their reaction, that is a warning sign
- Your ambitions and goals are valid — you should never have to make yourself smaller for a partner
Coercive Control
CriticalA pattern of domination now recognised as a criminal offence in NSW, Tasmania, Queensland, and the UK
Warning Signs
Walking on Eggshells
Constantly managing their mood, avoiding topics, or changing your behaviour to prevent an outburst. You feel like you can never fully relax around them.
DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
When you raise a concern, they deny it happened, attack your credibility, then claim they are the real victim. Your valid concern becomes an attack on them.
Rules for You, Not Them
They set expectations you must follow while exempting themselves. These double standards are often introduced gradually so you may not notice them building up.
Weaponised Vulnerability
Threatening self-harm or suicide to prevent you from leaving, setting boundaries, or raising concerns. This is emotional manipulation — their wellbeing is not your responsibility to manage through compliance.
Gradual Erosion of Autonomy
Slowly taking control of everyday decisions — what you wear, eat, who you see, when you sleep. Changes happen so gradually you may not notice until your world has become very small.
How to Protect Yourself
- Coercive control is a criminal offence in NSW, Tasmania, Queensland, and the UK — this behaviour is illegal
- If they threaten self-harm when you try to leave, call emergency services (000) — you are not responsible for their choices
- Document the pattern — individual incidents may seem minor, but the pattern reveals the control
- Contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for specialist support and safety planning
- You deserve to feel safe and free in your relationship — coercive control is abuse
Reproductive Coercion
CriticalBehaviour that interferes with your right to make your own reproductive choices
Warning Signs
Stealthing
Removing or tampering with a condom during sex without your knowledge or consent. This is sexual assault and a criminal offence in ACT, NSW, Victoria, Tasmania, South Australia, and Queensland.
Birth Control Sabotage
Hiding, destroying, or tampering with your contraception — including flushing pills, poking holes in condoms, or replacing medication without your knowledge.
Pregnancy Pressure
Using guilt, threats, or emotional manipulation about having children. 'If you loved me, you would.' Constant pressure that continues after you have clearly stated your wishes.
Refusing Protection
Consistently refusing to use contraception despite your wishes, or pressuring you to have unprotected sex. Your right to protect your own body is non-negotiable.
How to Protect Yourself
- Stealthing is a criminal offence in most Australian states and territories
- Your reproductive choices are yours alone — no partner has the right to override them
- Speak confidentially with your GP or sexual health clinic if you suspect birth control interference
- Contact 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) for specialist support
- Healthy conversations about family planning respect both partners' autonomy — coercion is when one person removes your choice
If You're in Immediate Danger
If you feel unsafe, please reach out for help immediately.
Emergency Services
000
Police, Ambulance, Fire
Select your country above to see local helplines. Numbers verified from official sources.